Another List

Dear Amias,

Sorry it has taken me a bit to write to you, but as you'll learn when you get older, time is the only thing
that you can't buy, trade or get back and the older you get the less time you have.  It's no excuse, but rest assured I never forgot about you and knew that you were growing, laughing and doing everything that makes you so special every single day.

Early on, I wrote a list of things you should do and remember to do when you're an adult.  So, I was thinking the other day, that I should update and add to that list.  Even though you have so much of your life in front of you, everyday there's something to learn from and even I learn something new everyday. So here is another list part 2...

• At least once in your life stay up all night just to watch the sunrise
• Winning is enough, no need to rub it in, have the satisfaction in the win, not the ridicule (unless you beat your dad in fantasy football, then you can rub it in)
• When in doubt, kiss her, if she doesn't kiss back then you know where you stand and can move on and not waste time, if she does, then you know where you stand and can move forward
• Learn to use both hands
• Learn to type
• Never wait til the last minute to study for a test, walking is one of the easiest things to do and it took you a few years to learn how to do that, how do you expect to learn a language, the civil war or algebra in a few hours
• It's okay to go to the movie theatre by yourself
• There was a time when cell phones didn't exist and we wrote letters to people, try it, you'll be surprised how good it feels
• You're never too old to hold your moms hand
• You can be too old to sit on your dads lap
• It's okay to brush your teeth in the shower but not okay to pee 
• Look someone in the eye when you shake their hand
• Have your first beer with your dad
• Go to the casino for the first time with your godfather
• Learn to cook at least one meal from scratch
• Even better if you learned that meal from your grandmother (she makes a mean pulled pork and meat pie)
• Claim your farts
• Clips are for potato chip bags, learn to tie a regular tie and a bow tie
• And regarding the bow tie, girls love a guy in a bow tie
• Always carry some cash with you
• Own a tool box 
• Know what to do with the tools in that tool box
• Develop a taste for wine
• And scotch
• Never hit your sister, I mean never
• Unless she takes your fried chicken, fried chicken isn't a shareable experience and if she does, it's more a tap than a hit
• And buffalo wings
• Just because you can't smell it, doesn't mean others can't
• Her eyes are here, don't get caught down there
• Sometimes saying sorry gets you to a better place than before the problem
• It's never the end of the world
• Always keep an umbrella in your car
• And a sweatshirt
• And a bottle of water
• You're a Grammy award winning singer when you're in the shower and in the car, but don't let that think you are when you go to Karaoke 
• And finally...if you don't get what you want it doesn't mean that you didn't deserve it, it may mean that what you wanted didn't deserve you

Now call your mom, dad and sister and tell them you love them.

Love, Padrino

Cherish The Journey

Dear Amias,

There has been and will be a lot of times in your life where you will take a trip, whether it's for fun, work or other reasons.  Some of those times you'll be excited to go, hate the thought of going or just indifferent to it all.  You'll probably never realize the impact or importance of the actual journey until after the fact.  Why?

Most people are in a rush in life.  They want to get there and get there now.  They see the process of "going" as a hassle and a means to the end.  But in most cases, it's the trip itself that is the best part.

Think about this...when you go to the movies, you want to be first to get the best seat, when you are at the airport you fight to get checked in and sit first or when you're at a restaurant you push your way through to get the first seat or table.  But if you're in a classroom, you will probably show up last and sit in the back.  Why no rush to get to class?  How I see it, is that a classroom has more personal benefit than getting the last bar stool.  But then again, we forget the little luxuries of the things above.

Instead of getting frustrated at the airport and rushing through, take a second to look around at all the happy people that are waiting at the gate for their special someone to get off the plane, the look of a proud parent as their son comes from from a military tour, the tear from a loved one as they say goodbye to someone.  There's something special there.  Or when you're waiting for a table, look around to see the great conversations people are having, you'll see first dates and 1,000th date.  Friends catching up from last week or from the last year.  They all have a story about how they got there.  Cherish that.

It won't be long before you'll realize how important this journey is.  You'll be all grown up and looking back at your personal journey and how you miss that scenic train ride where you daydreamed the whole time, that long drive along the coast with the top down singing Michael Jackson at the top of your lungs, the delayed flight when you had to sleep on the floor at the airport but met the nicest person and just talked all night.

The key is to realize each moment for what it is.  It's that moment in time, it's what's happening right now.  You were too young to remember, but you were fascinated with trains and one day your father took you on a train ride in Boston, it was the local subway, something thousands of people take everyday and equally complain about every day, but to you, this was like a trip to the moon.  You were excited about that journey.  The train moved, you smiled.  It went fast and you smiled.  People got on..smile.  People got off...smile.  The conductor announced the next stop..smile.  As an adult you'll take that for granted, you'll get frustrated that the train is too slow or delayed, too crowded or too dirty, you'll curse it and in some cases avoid it.  You won't remember that day in the summer of 2012.  That smile won't come back.

So...remember that it should never be about where you are, but how you get there.  Once you're there, you've done all the work already, that shows your character and who you are.  Be judged not how you react but how you appreciate.  Every day you are the youngest and oldest you'll ever be, so why not appreciate that time.  Love each step, make each one count and never rush to get there, you'll never know what you'll miss along the way.

Love, Padrino  

Choose Your Words Wisely

Amias

This past weekend you were back in Boston to be apart of your little sister's Baptism.  It was a beautiful sunny day, very similar to the day when you had yours.  But more importantly it was a day that I got to spend with you.  You've grown up so much lately.  You are running around like a big boy now.  And you're talking so much!

I'm sure your parents think you may be talking too much, but to me it was a pleasure to hear you speak, ask for things and be an unfiltered kid.

But with the power of words, the few you know and the millions you will know, you have to understand that words can be very powerful at times and not something you can ever take for granted.

One day you'll have the luxury of a girlfriend, someone you really really like, this isn't a crush, this is the L word.  You'll want to say it but nervous that she may not say it back.  You'll be a bit embarrassed that your manhood will be threatened and dance around it hoping she says it first.  But ultimately you'll say it.  Then you'll realize how beautiful it is to say to someone you truly care for.  Remember that moment.  Those words although simple and short, can have a lasting impression.

Then there'll be the days when you say things to someone that are not so nice.  On those days, that's when you need to take a step back, think, think, think and then think some more.  Why?  Because once it's said there are no "backsies".  You can't take it back.  You can apologize all you want but the words were said.  You'll let your emotions take over and your pride and ego will control you.  You'll feel like you are enforcing something and striving to make a point, but the reality is that some of the words you use are done to spite and purposely hurt.  The problem is that at that time you won't know that.  That's the funny things about words and anger.  You never know that it's the wrong thing to say until you say it.  It's life's funny lesson.

As a kid when you say something off or wrong it's kind've funny and cute, but as an adult, it's just mean and hurtful.  No one will laugh at your mistakes when you're older.  You won't get a hug for being naive.  You'll hurt someone, you may even lose someone special, a friend or girlfriend.  Then you'll apologize saying you were out of control and you can change.  You wouldn't be the first to say those words, I may have said those words just last week.  But you'll think you are the first to say those words.

So, have fun learning new words, enjoy the art of being cute when you mispronounce something.  Scream random things.  Question everything.  But remember that soon, you'll be responsible for the words you say.  The ones you tell your parents when you do something bad, the ones you use to ask for a favor, the ones you use to ask for a date and even the ones you use when you're angry.

Words are like a super power, use them for good not evil.

Padrino

You'll Be A Superhero To Her

Amias

Amias and baby sis Maddox

Sorry it's been a while since I wrote to you, I see that you're growing up pretty quickly now though and you're looking more and more like a grown man.  Good thing that you don't look too much like your father, no one wants to grow up with his big head.

Your mom and dad has kept me up to date on what you've been up to and all the fun things that's been happening to you.

One of the biggest things recently is that you got a new baby sister.  How fun is that?  She's like a little doll but with real hair, hands, tears and poop.  But outside of all that, just like a doll.

As you grow up you'll love having her around but you'll also get annoyed at times.  You're her big brother, she'll adore you and follow you around and copy everything you do.  She'll want to play with you all the time, eat your food, play with your toys and hang out with your friends.  You'll be mean sometimes and yell at her, you may even hit her but it's natural and what siblings do, because no matter what, she's still your baby sister and you'll love her all the more for that.

But having a little sister means more than having someone look up to you, more than an extra birthday or Xmas gift, more than someone that can take the blame for you when you do something bad.  It means that you have responsibility.

You'll know all her friends and even her boyfriends.  She'll get in trouble and ask that you help her out and not tell your parents, she'll ask for money and even cry on your shoulder when she breaks up with someone.  You have to be there for her.  You have to listen.  You have to be a big brother.

There there'll be the times where only you and her can share.  The time when you get married and she shows you the same admiration that she showed you when she chased you around the backyard in the summer time.  The time when she makes a bad decision and worries all night and looks at you for advice to calm her down like the time when she spilled her milk and realized there's nothing left in the cup and cried, but like that time, you'll just fill it up again and everything is fine.  That's what you'll be to her.  The person that makes everything just fine.

You'll also be there when she leaves for college and calls you home sick.  She probably won't tell you she's home sick, but you'll know and you'll joke with her like you always did.

She may get hurt and need to go to the hospital and you'll be there to make fun of her in the hospital gown to lighten her mood, you'll also sneak food in so she doesn't have to eat the hospital meal.  You may even stay there until she falls asleep so she believes that you stayed with her the entire time.

You'll skip out on some of your friends because she needs a ride home.  You'll go see a romantic comedy with her instead of the action film.  You'll even share some of your halloween candy if you see that she didn't get as much as you did.

Why?

Because that's your little sister.  

So as you grow older and go through all the ups and downs with her, you'll slowly start to understand that you both are forever locked together.  Not just by blood or family, but because she's your little sister.  You'll laugh, cry, hug, talk, yell, fight, play and even at times ignore each other.  But you'll always come back to what you know best which is to love each other because that's what big brothers and little sisters do.

So keep growing up into the man you're already becoming and have the time of your life.  Do it now and do it often.  Build things, fix things and even break a few things.  Learn from some, teach a few but always listen to everyone.  But remember that now you have one more responsibility.  Her name is Maddox and she adores her big brother.

Love, Padrino

Shower Daily

Amias, there will be many things in your life that people will tell you to do and not to do.  When you get older, it'll be up to you to decide what is best for you and your life.  Some things may feel trivial while others will have major implications. 

I've always believed that you should try everything at least once, I think we all learn from trying new things, we learn more about ourselves, we learn what we really don't like and we learn to explore.  But if there is one thing I'd like you to keep with you at all times, it would be to take a shower.  There will be days when you feel that you are clean and don't need a shower or days when you're just too tired.  But the reality is that a shower is more than just cleaning, it's therapeutic too.  It's one of the few moments in your life when you are in solitude (at least for the time being you'll be in solitude, we can talk more about that when you're older), exposed and engulfed in nothing but your thoughts.  Metaphorically you can wash away the dirt from your days, the worries on your mind and the evils of others. 

So remember, take a shower, do it daily and do it often. 

Other things you should think about....

-Always say thank you, everyone remembers the person that doesn't say it

-Remember peoples name, your name is the first thing given to you when you were born and the only thing you can take with you when you die.  It's more than just a name.

-Learn to cook.  There's something incredibly romantic about making something with your hands.  You don't have to be good, in fact if you fail at it, order a pizza and you'll have one of the best memories ever.

-Always have one clean and one dirty joke.  You never know when a conversation will need comic relief.

-You're never too old to hold your mom's hand

-Teach a kid something.

-Never wear a denim shirt with jeans.  In fact, never wear a denim shirt period.

-Learn to play an instrument.  If you can't, then learn to just play one song.  Start now with the drum set I gave you.

-Treat her like she's your everything and then treat her better than that.

-Never use alcohol as the excuse for bad behavior.  You knew exactly what you did when you did it.

-If it was meant to be, it would've been.  Stop fussing over it.  Move on.

-Watch a sunrise.

-Watch a sunset.

-Dance in the rain.

-Learn to swim.

-Once a year, eat something that just grosses you out.

-Never start a fight.  But if they deserve it, finish the fight.

-Buffets are bad.  Ask your father.

-When on a plane, claim both armrests as soon as you sit down.  Nothing ruins a flight more than having to keep your arms crossed the whole time.

-Listen more.

-Learn to drive a stick. 

-Lose gracefully and when you win, act like you've done it before.

-Spoiling yourself gives you an instant reward, but spoiling others will last longer.

-Sometimes we need to get our ass kicked to remind us that we are fallible

-It's not what you do that defines who you are, but the effort you put into what you're doing.  If you're a garbage man, be the best garbage man you can be.

-Go to college.  Besides the education you'll get, the friends you make and experiences you'll have will last a lifetime.

-Ask her out.  If she says no, remember that her opinion doesn't represent the entire female race. 

-When in doubt, ask her age.

-There's a difference between charming and creepy.

-There's not much of a difference between sarcastic and asshole.

-Stretch before you play anything.  You don't want my back pains when you're my age.  

-Own tools even if you never use them.

-Pull your pants up. 

-Don't wear any shirts with someones face on it.

-Tattoo's last forever.  Make sure you understand that the tribal symbol or Tweety Bird will be there when you're 95 years old.

-Ask for help.

-Be spontaneous.

-Light up when you see her everyday.  Show how happy you are.

-Sometimes having no reason at all is reason enough.

There are a million more that I can tell you about, but you'll learn to create your own rules as you grow up.  But make sure you take a shower every day.  There's no excuse for being dirty.

One Day of Happiness vs a Life of Misery

April 5, 2011

  

Photo and jewelry from my friend Lori Magno

Someday you’re going to fall in love, or in most cases think you’ve fallen in love.  You’ll get this feeling of nervousness, sleeplessness and overall giddiness that takes over you’re body, thoughts and emotions.  

Falling in love isn’t something you can plan or hope for, it just happens.  You’ll meet a ton of people in your life that you will say you love and in some cases you’ll really be in love.  You’ll learn the hard way though.  You’ll want to spend the rest of your life with all of them and you’ll cry a lot of tears over them. 

As you grow, go out and love everyone.  Love them to death.  Cherish them.  Treat them like they are the only thing that matters because they should be the only thing that matters.  Love unconditionally and live in the moment.  No one wins by sitting around wondering what if.  But you only really learn when you try things, when you give all of yourself to it and when you learn from failures. 

I’ve loved many in my life and lost just as many.  After each loss, they hurt in its own special way.  I would think about the good times and wonder if there was anything else I could’ve done. But after the scars heal and the memories become more distant, you remember that you’ve grown from that experience and that without it, you wouldn’t be as strong as you are today. 

If you live your life protected and always in defense, you’ll miss the little things.  You’ll miss the gift of a good morning kiss, the warmth when walking in the sun hand in hand without saying a word to each other but still communicating, the glance from across the room that says “I’m thinking of you”, all that wouldn’t happen if you don’t let yourself be willing to get hurt. 

Love is like life, you will achieve periods of success and failures, it goes up just as quickly as it goes down.  When it’s up, don’t take it for granted, cherish what you have and never underestimate it, because it can end in a blink of an eye.  So instead, smile, take a breath and enjoy the ride.  When it fails, mourn for a bit, it’s natural, but then muster the energy to get back up.  Because the getting up is the magic.  It takes strength to get up.  That’s the test.  How strong are you?  Love hurts and is very cruel sometimes, it does the unexplainable and never answers to its own actions.  But when it gives you its’ gift…That’s when you hold on for as tight as you can and try not to fall off because the second you let go, you’ll fall.  So go out and fall in love, hold on, fall off, get up and do it again.  With enough practice you’ll get the hang of it and never fall off.  Because one day letting yourself fall in love is so much better than a lifetime of misery.  And that’s what love is…

Our Father Who Art In Heaven...

October 11, 2009

In August of 2009, your father gave me a call, he spoke in circles for a bit, I could tell there was a sense of nervousness.  You see, the relationship your father and I have is weird, not really an older brother type and not really a best friend type, but more of a “yeah we’re really close and would give our own lives for each other but would never let the other person know that” type of relationship. 

He said he had a dilemma and wanted to ask me a question.  He wanted to know if I would be your Godfather.  My immediate thoughts were…       

• The title Godfather is filled with responsibilities beyond the simple side of making sure you grow up to be a good man.  There are religious and church implications.  For you, knowing how your parents are, you’re probably okay with that.  For me, I had probably been in a church a total of five times in my life, keep in mind I was 35 years old.  So I wasn’t worried about being there for you throughout your life but worried about my lack of knowledge.
• Your father made a big deal about the selection process to be your Godfather, he said how hard it was to choose between all the people in his life.  In all honesty, I’ve met all his friends and family and from me to you I don’t see how this was difficult.  I’m kidding, well not really, but kind’ve

So that’s the story on how I became your Godfather.  I’m sure your dad will tell you something different or more poignant, but someday you’ll wonder how and why it happened.

The big day comes and here I am nervous that I’ll be in a church, have all these responsibilities for that day and now embarking on something I’m completely unfamiliar with.  The day came and went, it was a magical and memorable, for me it became part of my life, you became part of my life.

There are times when things will happen in your life when you don’t expect or understand.  We are built and wired to question things and in some cases find the easy way out.  But in the end, most situations weren’t so bad or what we expected.  On the day of your Baptism, I had no idea what the future held.  I never had a Godfather and was never one to someone, they don’t make books or instructional videos on how to be a good Godfather.  You just try your best and hope that your best is good enough.  That holds true to anything you set your mind to and anything you end up doing.  

Always Believe In Santa...

December 25, 2008

The drum set I got Amias for Xmas 2010

Merry Christmas!  

Today is a day that many will tell you its meaning, from the purest that say it was the day that Christ was born to the materialistic that say its a day to get free stuff to the others that say it's a day to celebrate family and friends.  At some point in your life you'll form your own opinion.  You'll define what this day means to you.  In fact you'll define what most days and holidays mean to you.  

There is no right or wrong answer, only the answer that makes you happy.  

I've never been a religious person and found it hard to follow the purest path, I'd like to think that I'm not materialistic and don't subscribe to the getting free stuff idea either, so for me, my Christmas happiness comes with family and friends.  To me there is no purer joy than the excitement on peoples faces when they get something new, there's no way to describe a kids eyes as it lights up and says "oh wow, I got a...", there's no memory greater than the pureness of the "thank you" when someone is truly thankful, not for a gift but for where they are right then and there.

Kids and you will believe in Santa because of all the great things he represents.  He knows when you're naughty or nice, he gives you things and he loves cookies, that's a best friend I'd like to have.  

You'll one day tell your kids to be good or Santa won't stop by at Christmas.  You'll use his name as an anchor to good behavior.  But you should always have a special place for the big man in red.  Because Santa represents hope, he represents the good pure things in life, he represents the days when simple was happy.  When we were awarded for just being good and living a good life.  When no bad deed goes unpunished, when the simplicity of a chocolate chip cookie and glass of milk was all the thanks needed for a hard days work.  And isn't that really all we want in life?

Superheroes, celebrities, athletes and even Santa will come and go in your life.  You'll hang posters up of your idols, you'll even pretend to be them.  That's natural.  But instead of wanting to be them to get what they have, be like them to represent who they are.  What gifts do they give to society, their friends, their family, the world?  Shooting a jumper is good, but teaching a kid to shoot a jumper is better.  Even though Santa won't eat the cookie you leave out, doesn't make the thought of leaving a cookie out any less meaningful.  

Opening scene - fade in from black...

December 3, 2008

Your father and mother had moved from Boston a few years prior to this day and had a big house outside of Atlanta and were successfully working.  They loved the life Atlanta had to offer not to mention the lack of cold winters that Boston often had.  They were young, in love, successful and happy. 

You’ll hear in life that happiness may be a state of mind.  It’s an emotion that you create to stimulate your mind and feelings.  Sometimes you just are happy for no reason and sometimes you can’t find happiness if it were sitting on your lap.

I was still in bed when the first call happened.  His voice was more grumbled than usual, his tone was hush and it sounded like each word had a strain as they were pronounced.  “I have a son” he said.  No more words.  That was it. 

Later in the day he gave me another call, we spoke for a few minutes.  He said you were in good health, described your name and how it stood for “from love”, then we joked a few and after the congratulatory message, the call ended.  Amias was now part of the world.  Your parent’s world, your immediate family’s world…my world.

As you get older you’ll do things that your parents or even I won’t agree with.  You’ll get lucky and survive a few shortcuts and think you have the world figured out.  You’ll say regrettable things and even do a few things you would rather not remember.  But realize that none of the good or bad would compare to the pure joy you brought your parents and others on this day.  “From love” is what you came from and was properly named after.  No one will ever ask you to grow up to be a Saint or perfect.  But remember that on this day in 2008, for a brief moment, the Earth stood still for two people.  They experienced a joy unlike no other.  They committed themselves and their lives to protect, nurture and provide for this joy.  For it was from love that you came into this world and it is with love from your parents and others that will guide and shape you into the man you will become.  Whenever times get tough, remember that from love nothing can go wrong, you will be reminded every day of your life of this, for it is in your blood and your name.     

Welcome To the World Amias

Not sure when your parents will give this to you, you may get it while you are young and may not fully understand these words, their meaning or why they are here.  Or you may read this in your adult or latter life and use it as a reflection, not to reflect on the memories of your God parents, parents or friends, but at how you’ve survived life and become the man you are today.

Either way, whatever reason you decide, just know that each word, phrase, sentence and story were carefully chosen just for you.  To show you the lifetime that I’ve led and share with you emotional and life lesson experiences that I’ve been through.  I don’t expect you to model any of your behaviors after mine, in fact there’s a lot of behaviors that I wouldn’t have you rehash, but I would like you to know that life happens in moments.  These moments never announce themselves, they never plan ahead and never have a right or wrong answer.  But they are there to test you, to see how you fight through, to see if you have the strength to survive or the kindness to appreciate.  Good or bad these moments shape you.  They drive you.  They define you.

This little book of stories is meant to share with you my moments, not of my life, but the moments that will define my relationship with you.  You chose how you want them to impact your life.  For it is your life, not mine.  But I can only give you my history and the moments I’ve had.  You have a much longer lifetime to live out your moments. 

I hope you find these stories as enjoyable to read as they have been for me to write and live them.  Someday you’ll realize the bond that your parents and I have had well before you were born, you’ll hear all the good stories and times we’ve shared and even be part of a few new stories. 

But no matter what happens in your life, good or bad, never forget the moments that define and shape you.  Never let a moment take you over and never let a moment pass you by. 

The following are my moments for you to learn from…